I just pynch a tree in the face
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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