this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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