I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
