Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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