Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
