I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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