people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
