By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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