For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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