It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
