So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
