Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
