My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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