This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
