Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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