Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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