LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
