party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize