What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
