Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
