I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
