she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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