it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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