i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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