I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
