why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
