My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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