I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
