hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
