Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
40s are totally the cure
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
