seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
