your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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