on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
