I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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