Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
