dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
