3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
