Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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