Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
