How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
