Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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