You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
