I love black thongs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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