I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've blown a few things in my day
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
