I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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