today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
