I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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