He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
