dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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