If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she looked like the before picture.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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