I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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