I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
