I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize