): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
