I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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