Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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