ya dads aren't the best wingmen
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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