he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
