I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
