just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my vag is so smooth its legendary
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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