kristin has been a bad kristin
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
