For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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