Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
