Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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