I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize